I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry at all

The King of Belgium deeply regretted He was full of aphsos Speaking to a joint session of parliament in Kinshasa the capital of the Democratic Republic of Congo he could not express his regrets deeply enough to the country the Belgians had plundered for decadesDuring Congorsquos years under merciless Belgian rule from 1885 to 1960 they say about 10 million Congolese were killed or died of hunger or disease Villages that missed meeting their rubber collection quotas were required to send severed hands of their men women and children insteadNow 60 years later Belgiumrsquos reigning King Philippe deeply regretted the wanton cruelty pillaging racism and plundering that was perpetrated by Leopold II the brother of his greatgreatgrandfather who ran the socalled Congo Free State like his personal fiefdomldquoThe colonial regime itself was based on exploitation and dominationrdquo said the king ldquoThis regime was one of unequal relations unjustifiable in itself marked by paternalism discrimination and racism It led to violent acts and humiliations I wish to reaffirm my deepest regrets for those wounds of the pastrdquoThat word again Regret Why didnrsquot he say the word every Congolese wanted to hear Just sorryldquoThe simple regret that you have expressed is not sufficientrdquo said Antoine Roger Lokongo a professor at the University of Joseph KasaVubu Most Congolese would have agreed with himBelgium is neither the worldrsquos bestknown nor its most rapacious coloniser That honour must go to England In the years since India became independent from the British yoke British monarchs and ministers have commiserated with India about their own barbaric acts as colonisers Most of them found it convenient to regret The coloniser has never apologised for colonisingWinston Churchill thought the Jallianwala Bagh massacre was ldquomonstrousrdquo In Amritsar Britainrsquos high commissioner to India Dominic Asquith wrote in a guest book ldquoWe deeply regret what happened and the suffering causedrdquoShashi Tharoor MP speaking at a debate at the Oxford Union in 2015 said ldquoThe ability to acknowledge a wrong has been done to simply say sorry will go a far far far longer wayrdquoBut Prime Minister David Cameron didnrsquot think so ldquoI donrsquot think the right thing is to reach back into history and to seek out things that we should apologise forrdquoMy question is simple Why is sorry such a difficult word to sayI was surprised by the answer you could end up in jail if you said sorry to the wrong person at the wrong time If you have something you are sorry about clearly you must have done something you should not have Yoursquore guilty by admissionAnything you say can and will be used against youThink it through The apologetic imperialist fears being asked to pay reparations for the misery they causedmdashif they say theyrsquore sorry they caused itPerhaps yoursquore a cardiac surgeon whose patient dies on the operating table not your fault You are distressed because your job is to save lives You tell the newly bereaved wife ldquoI am so so sorry madam We did the best we couldrdquoShe files a negligence and malpractice case against you using your apology as evidenceYour car bangs someone elsersquos Maserati at an intersection Your headlights are broken but one of their passengers is hurt Not being a hitandrun artiste you hurry over and say ldquoI am so very sorry Is she badly hurtrdquoUhoh You said sorry Next thing you know the Maserati has accused you of driving under the influence To make matters worse the insurance company turns down your claim saying you admitted guilt by apologisingWith the law breathing down its neck sorry went into hiding You would only hear it when it actually meant you were not sorry at allIrsquom sorry wersquore going to have to let you goIrsquom so sorry for your lossSorry I really donrsquot have time for this shitBut sorry is the kindest word I know It can be empathy with wings flying from one heart to touch another I believe people who donrsquot say sorry didnrsquot get hugged often enough by their mothersAfricans would say sorry to me if I mentioned some trivial inconvenience such as mosquitoes at night Oh so sorry bwana as though theyrsquod released the mosquitoes Thais say sorry if they think something is making you feel badApology legislationmdashwhich makes it okay to say sorry without fearing repercussionsmdashwas first enacted in the USA the worldrsquos most litigious country It now exists in various forms in much of the world though doctors and drivers are still warned to watch their apologies lest it land them behind barsIn India though tread softly Nothing in Indian law protects you from being treated as guilty if you apologise Your sorriness can be treated as evidence of guilt though fortunately not the only evidence of guiltThatrsquos life So sorry Here viewed from there C Y Gopinath in Bangkok throws unique light and shadows on Mumbai the city that raised him You can reach him at cygopigmailcomSend your feedback to mailbagmiddaycomThe views expressed in this column are the individualrsquos and donrsquot represent those of the paper