The importance of teasing each other

One morning I was lying on a bed at a hospital in Bengaluru awaiting a routine angiogram required for insurance purposes Having undergone the procedure before I knew theyrsquod insert a catheter through a big artery in my groin and thread it up to my heart for various checksI sensed a young Kannadiga in hospital regulation shorts and a shirt standing diffidently at the door a metal pail in one hand and a toolkit in the other He looked apologetic even before he said his first words ldquoSorry saarrdquoldquoYesrdquoldquoSaar very sorry We have to do it now saar So I have come personally Very sorryrdquoldquoDo whatrdquo I asked completely baffledldquoPart preparation saarrdquo he said contritely ldquoJustu it will take five minutes wonly saarrdquoldquoWhat is part preparationrdquo I asked himHe groveled where he stood looking wretchedMy introduction to our national peccadilloes with language and culture came when I was eight My father a man not easily amused had returned chortling from Howrah station after triumphantly booking some tickets The dour Bengali at the counter after struggling with one of his initialsmdashVmdashhad finally erupted ldquoEes eet bhee for Bengal of bhee for bhictoryrdquoBengali has no sound for the letter v and makes do with bheeThe best Bengalis also inexplicably interchange their uhrsquos with their ahrsquos so that heart is only understood when pronounced as hurtmdashas in I have a pain in my hurtSimilarly hurt must be enunciated as heart for the Bong to understand it as anguishmdashas in I have a heart in my kneeAs TamBram children we would crack up hearing Gemini Ganesan declare that he was in louw with Savitri who would later in the movie become his darling oifWhich of us hasnrsquot been to a Gujju birthday party where the snakes were being served in the hole and all gifts came nicely raped in party paperOr the UP bhaiya who wanted to know what went of my father when I asked him why he was crashing the queueIn a different epoch wersquod openly snigger that Tamilians might be cleverer but would never get the girl That Panjus were tall handsome and fair dreamboats but were destined to be shopkeepers That some Bengalis hadnrsquot received the memo about Indiarsquos independence and still went to England to die but were peerless when it came to making fish taste magical And everyone knew at least one tall dark and handsome Gujju dreamboat who had acquired a faux American accent after just one trip to the international airportOur national foibles carried us through youth and did nothing to hamper lifelong friendships between Bongs and UP bhaiyas Gujjus and Mallus Panjus and Madrasis We recognised that we were ingredients in the same messy salad and that it was ok to try to stand out by knocking the others down as long as you helped them back on their feet again We laughed and were laughed at but it was always mutual and affectionate We recognised that under it all we were both perfect and perfectly flawed If you couldnrsquot laugh at the complicated mess of being Indian you couldnrsquot possibly deal with being IndianWith our parents eating our heads as only Indian parents do we eventually passed out of college as only Indian students do We regained consciousness in a world where we had to lsquoadjustrsquo a little which we were happy to do and called people Sirji fully aware that doubling the honorifics didnrsquot mean twice the respectSomewhere along the way all that changed We have acquired eugenicallyminded rulers who want purity of Indianness preferably Hinduness Jokes about culture and worship are now taken seriously and it matters if the joker is from a minority or a majority Speaking freely being cynical or critical bringing each other down a peg or two by reminding them of their failings all these became acts of treason punishable by an income tax raid Twittershaming and at worst lynching by WhatsApp Speaking too loudly for someone elsersquos right to be themselves as the late Father Stan Swamy did could land you in prison for lifeWe live in humourless times A part of me misses that India where friendly ribbing and joshing were signs that somehow against all odds we belonged togetherMeanwhile back at the hospital the Part Preparer was still shuffling from foot to foot waiting to proceed with his official duty I now know that his sole function was to ensure that any section of any human body awaiting a surgical or other procedure was free of hair to preempt unnecessary tangles and possible infection from strands falling inBack then though the boy was just an enigma to meldquoSordquo I demanded ldquoWhat part do you have to preparerdquoHe looked utterly miserableldquoSir private parts sir I have come to prepare your private partsrdquoHere viewed from there C Y Gopinath in Bangkok throws unique light and shadows on Mumbai the city that raised him You can reach him at cygopigmailcomSend your feedback to mailbagmiddaycomThe views expressed in this column are the individualrsquos and donrsquot represent those of the paper