Tired of swiping and getting ghosted on the apps? You’re not alone — there’s a new wave of singles who are hitting town in hopes of meeting ‘The One’ over pickleball, spin class, art meets, or indoor climbing. But is it time to delete the apps altogether? Perhaps not…
Leher Chadha and Anmol Menon instantly connected after they matched on a dating app. PIC/NIMESH DAVE
More than ever, you’ll hear people say, “I want to meet someone organically.” But how do you go about meeting someone new in the wild? Does the online generation even know how to date someone IRL? Do singles’ events work or is it just a recipe to trigger social anxiety? Sunday mid-day finds out the good, bad, and the ugly of offline dating and whether it truly is time to make a switch and touch some grass.
Up 2 Date IRL, an events company that holds singles events throughout the city. Since its launch in 2022, the firm has organised about 25 such meet-ups till date, such as pickleball mixers, attended by over 2000 people.
Aanchal Agrawal
Up 2 Date IRL is among a bunch of start-ups that have taken over the city’s offline dating scene, which has seen a surge in the last couple of years. After nearly a decade of swiping left and right on our screens — Tinder, the first dating app to enter India, launched here in January 2016 — singles are fed up of staring into their screens. What once seemed like a revolution for dating has now turned partners into mere swipes, dates into talking stages, and love into situationships.
Chitra Balachandra has been on the apps for five years, but would prefer to find a match in the wild. It’s to fill this gap in the market that she has now started curating offline mixers for other singles. PIC/KIRTI SURVE PARADE
We embark on our first experiment when an advert for a singles’ event by Social Sailor titled “Pitch a Friend” piques our curiosity. It’s a new dating concept where participants can bring along a friend as a wingman/woman to literally pitch them — armed with a PPT deck — as a fun date to a room full of singles. As co-writers of this piece, we spend a precious Sunday afternoon creating PPT decks for each other.
Imagine our disappointment when we get there and see just a handful of people turn up. And, worse, not a single one of them is single or available to date in the city. We encounter a married man, an influencer who’s there with her boyfriend to document the meetup, and two students from Indore looking for a casual night of board games.
Confused, we turn to the host and learn that they simply didn’t get enough registrations. Instead of notifying us, they’ve combined participants from three different events — a board game night, a Truth and Dare social, and the mixer we had actually signed up for. And so, we resign ourselves to playing Truth and Dare with complete strangers. Red flag!
In Assisted Dating, participants are set up on stage by comedians
On reaching out to Social Sailor, no response was forthcoming till the time of going to press. It turns out that while the apps may suffer from the “illusion of choice”, offline events struggle to garner enough options. Many don’t show up, and skewed male-to-female ratios are a problem most organisers face. It’s a problem that Aili Seghetti, founder of The Intimacy Curator, has had to get creative to resolve. It’s one of the few organisations in the city that caters to the niche kink community — think BDSM, swinging, foot fetish, among others — apart from also hosting queer and heterosexual dating events.
Kink events need a lot of preparation, and passes can often cost thousands, but that still doesn’t stop the no-shows. “First-timers can get nervous and decide not to show. Let’s not forget this is Mumbai — sometimes, people just give up after getting stuck in traffic, especially when they’re already nervous,” Seghetti says.
Her solution was to change tack and organise smaller, more intimate gatherings that are less daunting. For instance, she held a supper club for pansexuals last week, hosting multiple tables of six participants. “Research has shown that six is the magic number — just enough people to keep things interesting and offer multiple options, and not too many people as to seem intimidating,” says Aili, “We host each table at a different venue, but all in close proximity. In case of last-minute cancellations, we can combine tables.”
Singles can mingle Elevn’s activity-focused events like this spin social
The co-founder of Up 2 Date IRL tells us that they go to immense efforts to make sure that not only are there enough people, but also that the gender ratio remains equal. “With the apps, men don’t get enough matches, and women get too many. Even we get more event registrations from more men,” he says, “We put the men on a waitlist. For every woman that registers, we let a man in,” he says, “We’ve even rescheduled events if we couldn’t get enough people or an equal ratio. If the same person has attended an event four to five times, we ask them to register after some time.”
The founders put their money where their mouth is: “It’s very important to get enough people there. Till date, performance marketing [on social media] remains our biggest marketing spend, up to 50 per cent of our outlay, just to get people in there.”
Whether offline dating works for someone or not depends entirely on the mindset. For 28-year-old Gaurav Vohra, the apps just felt too impersonal. “It felt like I was window shopping,” he says, “Offline, it is way easier to read people, and bounce off their energy. I find that people are much kinder to you as well. You can’t ghost someone to their face.”
An art mixer hosted by Gay Bombay
Vohra attended a singles event called “Big Deck Energy” recently in Delhi. The concept is similar to Pitch a Friend and it “hooked” Vohra. He ended up with two “matches” from the event, one of which he hopes to explore more in the future.
While dating events might seem nerve-wracking to many — a room full of strangers is an introvert’s nightmare. And yet Vohra finds that he “likes the nerves”. “The nervousness you feel, it’s part of the romance. The hichakichaahat [hesitation] is romantic,” he says.
Perhaps the nerves kick in because in-person, the stakes feel much higher. We’re more likely to present our authentic selves when we can’t hide behind curated profile photos and bios. 
Sachin Jain
As a single woman in her 30s post-divorce, intention and authenticity is what draws Chitra Balachandran to the offline scene as well. From being catfished on apps with AI-generated photos, to being accused of witchcraft, Balachandran has a whole host of dating horror stories. “I’ve been on the apps for upwards of five years now,” she says, “I would still far prefer to meet someone offline. The greatest upside is just being able to do an actual vibe check of the other person. It’s very easy to fake things online, even banter can be manufactured with the help of ChatGPT. But when you meet someone in person, you can sense right away if there’s any chemistry.”
Balachandran now uses her dating experience to curate fun offline mixers for singles — events that she wishes she’d had access to. From planning meet-ups at vintage vinyl clubs and to pet cafes, to centreing the event around activities such as indoor climbing and spin cycling, she sets the singles up for success. “It gives you that common ground; when you meet someone at an indoor climbing mixer, you already know both of you enjoy climbing and physical activity. It’s an easier place to start from, and helps quell any social anxiety. Besides, it’s fun! Whether you end up matching with someone or not, you still have a good time,” says
the brand strategist, content creator, and advocate for better dating experiences.
Aili Seghetti, founder of The Intimacy Curator, leads a sensorial dating event in the city
It’s the same philosophy that inspired Up 2 Date’s Pickleball mixer. “In general too, we have ice-breakers and there’s a host anchoring the entire event to keep the flow going. We understand that around 20 to 30 per cent of the crowd are introverts, and around 50 per cent are coming for the first time. They probably have no idea how these things work. We make it our responsibility to get them to open up,” say the founders.
They also send out thorough “vibe-check” forms to singles who have registered for their events, to ensure that only those who are serious about finding someone to attend. The Intimacy Curator goes a step further, calling every single participant before the event to inform them about consent and dating etiquette, as well as gauging their preferences.
Aanchal Agrawal’s cure for awkward singles is comedy. The stand-up comic has devised her own format called Assisted Dating. “It’s like bringing an arranged marriage date to the stage,” she says, “Instead of parents, comedians play matchmakers. Two comedians represent the girl, two represent the guy, and they try to ‘arrange’ their relationship while the audience waves flags to vote on whether the match will last.” In the end, if the boy and the girl say yes, Agrawal sponsors their first date. So far, they’ve seen about five successful “arranges”.
Gaurav Vohra finds that people are much kinder in person
The idea started from Agrawal’s frustration with the dating scene. “I wanted to collect some good karma by fulfilling for others what I couldn’t find,” she says, “I’ve already given up; I can’t do dating apps any more.”
“Dating apps can feel mechanical, especially for women. You get too many likes, and the whole process becomes dehumanising. You end up browsing through people like they’re T-shirts in different colours. There’s no magic, no connection. That’s why I created this show. To give people a space where they’re not being judged or swiped away in two seconds. I want both men and women to feel human again in the dating process,” she explains.
The concept sounds promising. But as we sit among her audience, we can tell that this is a comedy show first, and a dating event second. The contestants are too nervous, and the jokes don’t help with the nerves. The voyeuristic nature of format does make for a fun watch. But if you’re looking to meet the love of your life, this might not be the format for you. You can, however, do it for the plot.
UP2DATE IRL has hosted over 2000 people across 25 events
Just because we now have the option of these mixers, though, doesn’t mean dating apps are going to die out. There are still plenty of couples finding each other online — you just have to be prepared to kiss a lot of frogs before you find the one. When Leher Chadha and Anmol Menon first met on Hinge seven years ago, the connection was instant. Menon was captivated by her profile pictures: “The first thing I noticed was her eyes. She had applied kajal so beautifully.”
“I saw that he was a chef,” says Chadha, “He said that he makes an amazing Butter Chicken Lasagna — dishes I love separately — but I’ve still never had the chance to taste it. That remains the joke every year on our anniversary.”
They matched on February 15 of that year, and spoke for 10 hours continuously. They cut the call at 4 am, making plans to meet in a couple of hours. Within 15 days, they had met each other’s parents, and by December, they were married. “It was a whirlwind romance,” says Menon. “Never in my wildest dreams did I expect that things would go the way they did.”
Even though both Chadha and Menon had had their fair share of issues with dating apps, Chadha finds that as long as one is clear with what they want, one can cut through the crap. “It also depends on the app. I could not survive on Tinder [an app used primarily for hook-ups]. But at that time Hinge was fairly new, and it was supposed to be for serious relationships,” she says.
Pratik Jain
Menon too shares, “Sometimes on the apps, people would really just look at you from a surface level. I had balding issues at the time, but in hindsight I feel that I wouldn’t want to connect with people who have such a shallow way of looking at people.”Today, the pair runs Gourmet Bawarchi, an artisanal sauces and catering business, together. “He’s a first-generation entrepreneur and he’s really passionate,” says Chadha. “My father was a first-generation entrepreneur and I’ve seen first-hand what that struggle’s like. We really connected on that.”
Whether it’s apps or offline dating, turns out there’s no perfect formula. Up 2 Date team says, “I think both online and offline are here to stay. There’s a place for both.”
At its core, the struggle remains the same — most people still long to meet their partners organically. For Gen Z, especially, there’s something almost cringe about being seen as actively looking for love. Instead, they’re finding subtler, more inventive ways to connect. The rise of running clubs, lookalike competitions, and shaadi-themed parties can attest to that. Those of the older cohort have already learnt their lessons, knowing that there’s no shame in wanting to find love. In fact, it’s what we should have been doing all along, says Pratik Jain, dating coach and founder of Way of Men.
“The number one reason men come to me is frustration with apps; they can’t find matches despite putting in time and effort,” he says. “When they are out and about, they might come across women they are interested in, but they realise they don’t have the social skills, or the art of flirting, because they have no practise of meeting women in the real world. Women, too, might no longer know how to receive a romantic approach by a man outside of DMs. We’re all too used to our screens.”
For Gen Z, he says, interpersonal skills may not have developed completely because they have never known a world that was not online. Among Millennials and Gen X, too, might find that their IRL flirting game is a bit rusty or outdated.
“Men, especially, need to be more mindful of the current dating culture and learn how to read the vibe in the room. I have divorced men to whom I explain that things that were okay to do 10 years ago may no longer be acceptable to do on the first few dates today.”
The only way to truly build these skills again is to go out — not just on dates, but just socialise more. He advocates for hybrid dating — keep the apps, but also keep your heart open to meeting someone in the wild. “It’s a numbers game; the more people you encounter, the greater your chances of finding your match.”
Jain is not a big fan of commercial singles’ events because it’s also turned into a moneygrab. Not all organisers put effort or thought into making it easier for the singles to actually mingle. And for singles stuck in the rat race of life, when all you have is Saturday night to find a date, it creates a scarcity mindset that can make you too pushy.
Instead, he recommends the truly old-school method: “Go to your local coffee shop instead of grabbing a cup at your office canteen. Go to the grocery store instead of ordering stuff home. Everywhere you go, say hi to people, give them a smile. You never know what’ll happen.”
Best of both worlds
Hybrid dating — both online and offline — is the future. Elevn, the latest entrant in the app market that’s co-founded by filmmaker Karan Johar, straddles both worlds. Like any other app, couples can match on it and choose to meet for a one-on-one date. But if that feels overwhelming, you can also opt to meet at one of Elevn’s offline mixers among other singles.
“Elevn puts women at the center,” says Karan Johar, “Men can only join if endorsed by a woman, which immediately shifts the balance and builds credibility. And because romance doesn’t end with a swipe, the app also creates exclusive, curated experiences for date bookings and for singles to meet quality people.”
“We believe that dating does not exclusively lie in the digital sphere or IRL; it is between both worlds,” says Pranjal Gupta, chief of staff at Elevn, “We host three offline events a month, from cocktail nights to indoor climbing to spin classes.”
‘App fatigue worse for queer people’
While it’s hardly surprising that most dating events in the city are geared towards heteronormative couples, there are plenty of mixers for queer people too. For instance, Gay Bombay, a queer support group, hosts a bunch of activities, from art meets to cookouts to rainbow housie nights.
“Queer events give the context of community; we all are mutual friends, and it is a safe space. With the activities at the events, even if you don’t make a romantic connection, you still have a meaningful time with your
queer friends,” says Sahcin Jain, founder of a Gay Bombay.
“App fatigue is worse for queer people. The biggest gay dating app out there is a shame spiral for gay men,” says Jain, “The app tempts you with promises of someone 50 metres away, but it’s just a mirage, you never seem to find someone. There are way too many ads on the app; to even get any kind of engagement you have to shell out money. There’s way too much ghosting and algorithm bias. After the initial hit of dopamine, we feel shame and uninstall the app. Then we download it again, and the cycle continues.”
Like cis-het dating pools, gay circles can be just as superficial about looks — “Everyone wants to match with the top two per cent on the apps,” says Jain, “In real life, though, you’re not just a picture or username — shared eye contact and casual conversation make a lot of difference. It’s not like all the biases disappear in real life, but we tend to give others more of a chance.”
Try it the OG way
If you truly want to date like it’s the ’90s, here are dating coach Pratik Jain’s top tips:
1 Travel more and be open to meeting someone. The energy is more open-minded, something can spark even on a five-day trip.
2 Organise house parties. This used to be how people expanded their social circles back in the day. Over three to four parties, you build a reputation
for throwing a good bash, and your friends will bring their friends over.
3 Volunteer: It’s not just good for the world and your soul — it’s also a way to regularly meet new people over an extended period. “When you have the opportunity to meet someone multiple times, it takes the pressure off, and also increases your chances of hitting it off. And because you’re doing something good, it won’t feel like a waste of time either,” says Jain, adding that volunteering grounds are ripe for picking with a whole host of art and culture festivals set to take place in November-December in Mumbai.
4 If you work from home, then opt to work out of a café.
5 Learn to say hi to people without expecting anything from it. Don’t go into conversation with an outcome-driven mindset.
Meet more people and hone your personality.
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