What Maya needs to know

When this writerrsquos mum was pregnant with her younger sister she remembers being fascinated by the growing belly and asking her how the baby got inside Words like ldquoGodrdquo and ldquomagicrdquo were thrown around a lot because who really has conversations about sex with their kidsBut one super cool mum from Coimbatore seems to think otherwise Swati Jagdish a sex educator and lactation counsellor is currently trending on Instagram for her videos where shersquos seen talking about sexuality menstruation and being queer with her sevenyearold daughter MayaldquoWhen my daughter was born I took a break from my corporate job to look after her I lost my parents around the same time This was a difficult period in my life I had nobody to share my motherhood and parenting concerns with This led me to join some interesting groups on Facebook where mothers would discuss everything they were going throughrdquo recalls Jagdish Soon after she started a WhatsApp group for mothers in her home city ldquoWersquod organise sessions on breastfeeding how to use baby carriers and dealing with postpregnancystress among other thingsrdquo she saysOne thing led to another and Jagdish eventually started her own NGO Coimbatore Parenting Network During this time she also became a lactation counsellor ldquoWhen Irsquod visit colleges to give lectures to students Irsquod often see them giggling and laughing or feeling embarrassed when talking about breasts or breastfeedingrdquoThat she remembers was a turning point in her careerldquoI realised that there was a lot of stigma attached to discussing body partsrdquo says Jagdish 34 explaining why she trained to become a certified sex educatorIn 2016 when Maya was still a toddler Jagdish started an Instagram page mayas_amma to document her parenting journey But with Maya growing up and asking her ldquodifficultrdquo questions as most kids are wont to she realised that she should use the platform to help other mums struggling with this experienceldquoSexuality isnrsquot just about sex Itrsquos also the way your child feels about their developing body and how your child understands and expresses feelings of intimacy attraction and affection for others For Maya these concepts were natural because she was exposed to them at an early agerdquo says Jagdish She suggests that parents begin by talking about body parts and then help the kids understand the difference between good and bad touch where they can get naked and in front of whom and how to react to situations that make them feel uncomfortable ldquoThey may not understand these terms logically at first but as they mature they begin to see and comprehend betterrdquoChildren she says are naturally inquisitive By the time they are five or seven years old they already have a lot of questions She remembers this one time when Maya saw a gay marriage on television and asked her mum ldquoWhy are these two men getting marriedrdquo Jagdish went on to casually speak about the concept of queer love and the LGBTQIA community By the end of the conversation she asked her daughter again if it was acceptable for two men or two women to marry ldquoShe immediately responded lsquoYes itrsquos perfectly fine because you can love and marry whomever you wantrsquordquoJagdish says that over the years she and her daughter have developed a strong and open relationship ldquoSex education is more about what parents need to know rather than what their child knowsrdquo she says ldquoChildren are aware of these concepts because they are exposed to them through friends schools films and other media However it is up to the parents to create a relationship in which their child can come and talk to them about it firstrdquoAlso Read Covid19 Are zoos and national parks doing enough to keep animals safeNotes for parents Once your childtoddler touches their private parts consistent conversations on private parts privacy and when to touch onersquos private parts need to take place Help them understand the difference between good and bad touch Normalise talking about homosexuality and teach them that loving relationships are beyond gender Recognise and respect your childrsquos boundariesCourtesy mayas_amma Instagram