As the SoBo school sex scandal continues to unfold, questions are abound on the safety of students growing up faster than ever in an era of social media and porn
Imaging/Aparna Chaudhari
Scroll through any social media app and you will find fun Reels made by teachers. Usually, they’re hilarious and relatable sketches, such as a teacher trying to take a break, but being followed everywhere by students because it’s exam time. Funny and relatable.
Every once in a while, though, there’s a Reel that leaves you feeling uncomfortable. Like this one: A teacher looks serious during a puja with the caption “Being a teacher: Me trying to act normal when my student says, ‘Ma’am, aap bahut sundar lagti ho [ma’am, you look beautiful]’.” The caption then switches to “Me on the inside”, and the Reel cuts to a famous Bollywood actress giggling demurely.
This, according to educators like Swati Popat Vats, is the kind of behaviour that confuses children. “If you are a class teacher and you are making reels with your students, singing and dancing with them, a boundary is being crossed,” says Vats, president of the Early Childhood Association, as well as the Association for Preparatory Education & Research.
Swati Popat Vats and Martha Bhosale
“Most teenagers are hormonal, and their emotions are all over the place. They do not understand that this is just for fun and that it doesn’t mean that the teacher is now your buddy. As teachers, we must be more mindful,” Vats says, “These mixed messages end up confusing so many children and, unfortunately, some teachers enjoy the fact that they are a young boy’s fantasy. This might not apply to most teachers, but it only takes a few rotten apples to ruin things.”
Vats is referring to the aftermath of the arrest of a 40-year-old teacher at a prominent south Mumbai school for allegedly grooming and sexually assaulting a 16-year-old male student. The scandal has since created an environment of distrust between teachers and parents.
The “hot teacher” narrative is not new. Who can forget the translucent sarees and sleeveless blouses donned by Sushmita Sen starring as a sexy college teacher in Main Hoon Na, way back in 2004? But questions abound on the safety of precocious minors growing up in an era of social media and pornography at their fingertips. What happens to boundaries in the teacher-student equation when children can add their class teacher as a “friend” on social media, and watch them make memes about student crushes?
“It all seems like fun and games… until something like this happens,” says Vats, who also trains teachers and is often criticised for her “traditional methods”. “I get a lot of flak for asking teachers to not wear nail polish, or insisting on tops or kurtas that cover their bottom. Younger teachers today push back and say that this feels like an infringement on their personal freedoms, but if we expect rules to be followed by students then teachers too must adhere to them, we are in a profession that requires this of us, there are no two ways about it,” she adds.
Anju Kish, a sex educator, looks at the issue from another angle: “Conservative dress codes cannot shield teenagers from natural sexual curiosity & thoughts. When comments on these surfaces, it’s crucial that teachers address these conversations head on,” she says.
Anju Kish is a sex educator and trains teachers on sex education as well. FILE PIC/NIMESH DAVE
Unfortunately, sex remains a subject that flusters many Indian teachers because of a lack of adequate training in how to impart sex education. As the founder of UnTaboo, a leading sex-education institute, Kish speaks with both students and teachers about sex. With teenagers, she engages their hormone-addled brains in frank, open, and clean conversations about sexual health and safety. Her teacher training sessions, on the other hand, are about decoding sex education for teachers and helping them get over their hesitations and biases over talking about it.
Kish recalls an example: “When a teacher asked students to turn to page 69, some boys began giggling and making moaning sounds. The teacher was taken aback, but instead of addressing it, she simply moved on — a missed opportunity.
“I advise teachers to pause the lesson and address this immediately. For example: ‘I can see some of you are reacting to the number 69. You’re in a learning environment right now, and we’re simply referring to a page number. Let’s focus on appropriate classroom behaviour and continue with our lesson.’ Students test boundaries, and clear, calm responses show you’re in control”, not doing, she feels, is a disservice to the students, a shocking number of whom may already be sexually active and in need of adult guidance.
Studies on the sexual status of Indian teenagers are few and far between. In 2011, Indian researchers conducted a survey among 586 students from class 9 to 12 at two high schools in Pune. According to the report, Understanding sexuality among Indian urban school adolescents, which was published in the Industrial Psychiatry Journal, 30.08 per cent of boys and 17.18 per cent of girls reported having had sexual contact (described as kissing, having touched private parts). The report went on to say that the average age at first sexual contact for boys and girls was 13.72 and 14.09 years, respectively, while the average age for first sexual intercourse was 15.25 years for boys and 16.66 years for girls.
I knew there was a high school student who was infatuated with me,” a language teacher at an International Baccalaureate (IB) school tells this reporter. “As teachers, you immediately know if there is a student, especially in high school, who has developed a crush on you. As soon as you see this, you must do everything in your power to not encourage it,” says the teacher in her 30s.
This does not equate to being harsh with the student; it is possible to draw firm boundaries while still helping the student. She recalls, “The student was prone to anxiety attacks, and once during the examination, he had one. I dropped down to his eye-level but didn’t make any contact with him. I just told him I was there if he needed any help, water, anything, and calmed him down.”
With over a decade of experience under her belt, she has seen many students try to test boundaries, giving her compliments or a look that doesn’t sit quite right. “I always address the behaviour and say something like, ‘I know you think I am your friend and jokes are okay, but I am your teacher and there is a line you cannot cross’. This immediately deters them,” she says. “With high school students, you have set the boundary every day — this is just the age when they probably do not fully understand the consequences of their actions.”
In 2024, researchers surveyed middle and high school teachers in Texas and found teachers were most commonly subjected to verbal abuse (45 per cent), and non-physical-contact aggression (29 to 35 per cent). Physical victimisation was far less prevalent at five to eight per cent, while sexual harassment counted for six to 11 per cent.
At 71, Martha Bhosale has been an English teacher for over 38 years. She is shocked by the details of the south Mumbai case. “Back in the ’90s, when I was teaching high school students, one such incident had taken place, and the fallout for both the teacher and student continues to affect them to date,” she says. “It was a one-off incident, though. I’ve never seen anything else like it in my career. We had no formal guidelines or systems on this back then. As teachers, it was our moral compass that guided us and we did not cross boundaries.”
She acknowledges, though, that those were simpler times overall, with very little access to porn and other media that could influence students. “To be honest, I do not think I would be able to manage the kind of sexual advances and comments I hear younger teachers get now. It’s such a tight rope that they have to walk on every day, and given the amount of access to the Internet that kids have, I am sure the situation is worse than what they tell me,” she finally adds.
Stephen Fernandes, founder of a singing programme for children which trains over 400 kids, has been teaching music in several South Mumbai schools since the age of 22. Fernandes, who teaches everything from Western vocals to instruments, is an optimist but errs on the side of caution. “I have cameras everywhere in the institute; they serve as a deterrent to both students and teachers. When I am not in town, I do not keep my institute open. When I am there, I walk around monitoring them. And, as a rule, we have two teachers per class,” he says.
“But I am a hopeful person,” he adds, “I believe that if you have good intentions and want to impart something to children, they too will reflect your behaviour.” According to him, the change in student-teacher relationships is not necessarily a bad thing. Rather, he sees it as “something that is needed”. “You are meant to be someone who guides them and mentors them, and they do have an emotional connection with you. The concept of zero emotions doesn’t exist in the teaching line,” he says, adding that boundaries are a teacher’s best friend.
What Fernandes has put across so beautifully is what most educators we spoke to said they believe too. All we hope is that the unfortunate SoBo scandal does not scare teachers from showing students affection. Rather, it should serve as a wake-up call for parents, like Kish says: “This incident reflects the conversations that aren’t happening at home. Parents need to have ongoing body safety discussions with their children at every age, adding more nuances and explaining laws as kids mature into teenagers. Silence creates vulnerability.”
‘The damage can go on for years’
Riddhi Doshi Patel
Child psychologist Riddhi Doshi Patel is especially concerned about the need for psychiatric intervention for the 16-year-old survivor of sexual assault by a teacher in the south Mumbai case. “He most likely might be left confused for years, grappling with questions like ‘Was I a victim, or did I choose this?’ ‘Was it appropriate or inappropriate for me at that time?’ ‘Was it truly about pleasure for me, or was I forced into it?’ This extreme internal conflict often creates a loss of trust in yourself and your judgment,” she says. If not provided therapy and psychiatric intervention, the child will tend to grow belligerent or even indulge in self-harm.” “A child might flatter a teacher but might not mean to start a sexual relationship. Even if they are attracted to a teacher, this attraction is in the nascent stage. But this is exactly what groomers use to make the child feel like it was their idea in the first place. This leaves the child with a sense of guilt and confusion for a lifetime,” she adds.
Precocious teenagers
Boys
Average age at first sexual contact
13.72 years
14.09 years
Average age at first intercourse
15.25 years
16.66 years
*Source: A 2011 study in Pune, published in Industrial Psychiatry Journal
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