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I am not ready for an engagement...

Updated on: 06 December,2022 05:36 AM IST  |  Mumbai
Dr Love |

Insecurity and lack of trust are signs that there needs to be more work done in your relationship. Give it time and focus on that

I am not ready for an engagement...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

A few weeks ago, my girlfriend spoke about wanting us to take this relationship to the next level and asked me how I felt about getting engaged. We have been together for two years and are both going to turn 31 in a year, so I thought it was a reasonable time for that conversation. I told her I wanted to wait for two more years because it would give us a better idea of how we are compatible with each other. She agreed but a few days ago told me she was having second thoughts about our relationship. I have no idea what I did or said to make her react this way. What should I do? Is this an attempt at forcing me to get engaged or lose her?
It’s just a statement that says she is thinking about what you said, and trying to understand if your plans and expectations align with hers. It’s not emotional blackmail, if that’s what you’re suggesting, because there is no ultimatum being presented. I suggest you accept her statement calmly and try talking to her about why she feels this way. Every relationship hits rough spots, and having doubts is more common than you think, irrespective of how long two people have been together. She is clearly at a crossroads and trying to make sense of what her future looks like. This is when you should be more supportive, not less. Keep talking, and you will find a way to resolve this together.

My girlfriend has asked me not to stay in touch with my ex-girlfriend because she is threatened by her. I know that she has reasons, but I have no feelings for my ex at all and this is a harmful request because it shows a lack of trust in me. How do I convince her to see things from my side?
Insecurity and lack of trust are signs that there needs to be more work done in your relationship. Give it time and focus on that. 

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