We’re thinking about divorce...

My husband and I recently separated after four years of marriage, because we felt as if we were too different and had nothing in common. We loved being together early on, and it wasn’t an arranged marriage so we knew each other quite well, so the way we drifted apart was a surprise to us both. We haven’t filed for divorce because we are both taking time to decide if we want to take that final step. I think a part of us wants this to work and we are both open to meeting with a marriage counsellor if that helps. At the same time, I have doubts because I am almost 40 years old. If we try again and it doesn’t work out, I am afraid of being alone without a companion when I am older. How do I decide what the right way forward is?
It’s perfectly natural to be worried about growing old alone, but to focus on the future while ignoring the present doesn’t help you at all. What matters, for now, is how you feel about your husband and your marriage. If you want this to work, it will require you both to invest time and energy, and it may be a difficult undertaking. Why not speak to your husband about how he feels, try and get a sense of how prepared you both are to working on this, and finding out if you want to be together more than anything else. If there is some hesitance on either part, it’s better to air that out now that to go down the path of counselling half-heartedly. As for your future and getting older, no one knows what might happen, and to stay with someone simply because you are afraid of being alone may not be reason enough.

I can’t communicate my feelings to my girlfriend, which upsets her. What should I do?
Communication takes time and involves trust. If you can explain to her why this is difficult, it’s a good first step.