Bestie’s boyfriend is hitting on me!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I think my best friend's boyfriend may be hitting on me and I don't know how to bring it up with her. He is always flirty, which was not a problem because she told me that was his nature, but it is now awkward because he says too many things when she is not around. I worry that mentioning it to her will make her think I encourage this behaviour, which isn't true at all. If I say something, I am also sure it may cause problems between them that will affect me in a bad way. I am confused because it feels like I will end up getting hurt no matter what.
Why assume your best friend will blame you for what her boyfriend is doing, given that he is the one responsible for this? Being flirty doesn't excuse what is clearly inexcusable behaviour. If you feel as if he is crossing lines, he isn't just being disrespectful to you; he is also hurting your best friend, and she needs to know that this is happening. If she can't see things from your perspective, you have to be kind to yourself and acknowledge that you haven't done anything wrong. To avoid confrontation is easy, but not when some things can't be forgiven. Your friendship comes first and can only survive when there is honesty. Put yourself in your friend's shoes and ask yourself if you would like to know that something inappropriate was going on behind your back.

Should I date someone who has a lot of emotional baggage? I worry that this will end up causing problems between us, but I love him a lot and am willing to take a risk even if it means getting hurt. Is this a bad idea?
If you are aware of where things stand and are willing to deal with any potential fallout, there's nothing wrong with taking a risk. However, if he needs help, and you don't have the tools, he should consider reaching out to a professional.

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