Did I waste three years on him?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I was in a relationship with a guy for 3-and-a-half years and ended it just last week. I was patient with him for a long time because I assumed it was his nature - his habit of not giving me any importance or priority in front of his friends. Whenever we went out, he would check with his friends and colleagues first. I was the option only if they had no plans. I was there for him when no one was, and when he lost his job. Recently, when things got better for him, I expected him to have more time for me, but he spent evenings with an old friend, another girl. Whenever I asked if we could go out to dinner, he would already have other plans. I was hurt and felt ignored, so I called it off. I tried to explain why I was angry, but he hasn't even called to check on me. I keep asking myself if it was worth spending my time and energy on him when he doesn't even bother. His actions don't match his words. I write for your opinion on whether I have done the right thing.
Waiting over three years for someone to improve is a bad sign. Everything you describe points to a lack of respect, and the fact that you have been taken for granted. It's okay to worry about the time you have wasted on this person, but it's also a positive thing to acknowledge that you have learned a few lessons and have done what it takes to respect yourself. If he hasn't changed in all this time, you have made a sensible decision by choosing to end this relationship. Also, someone who doesn't bother checking on a partner they have spent years with, is not someone worth wasting time over. You deserve better, and I hope you find someone who treats you with the attention and respect you give in return. It's what separates healthy relationships from toxic ones.

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