Dr love with Mid-day: He says he’ll never take me back!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My boyfriend says he'll never get back with me again because I lost his trust the last time we were together. This happened a year ago when we broke up after he thought I was flirting with someone. I wasn't, but he just couldn't get the idea out of his head, and I stopped trying to convince him after a point. I thought he would calm down and start to be reasonable after we had separated, which is why I agreed to ending the relationship. It doesn't seem as if he is even willing to consider my perspective even after all this time, which breaks my heart. I always thought we would be together for the rest of our lives, and to see this end for no fault of my own is what makes it harder to handle. I don't know what to do. How do I bring him back into my life?
Your pain is understandable, as is the tendency to blame yourself for what has happened, but this is something you have no control over. Your boyfriend has been given a choice to trust you or not. His inability to accept your perspective, or to believe facts over fiction, prove that his idea of this relationship simply isn't as strong as your own. If he valued it and wanted to take an approach that accepted your side of the story, he would have. The fact that a year has done nothing to shift that only shows that you were both at different places in this relationship. Being in love and treating someone with respect are two different things, and love simply isn't enough to sustain any bond, irrespective of how much you want to be with each other. You can choose to keep waiting, in the hope that he changes his mind, but think about what kind of future you will have with someone who isn't willing to trust you. It is one of the foundations of any healthy relationship, and he doesn't have it yet.

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