Dr Love with Mid-Day: I lose interest in people really fast

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I don't know if I am too pessimistic about relationships, but I think it gets in the way of building anything genuine with the people I date. Whenever I meet someone, I try and take the time to get to know them and do more to build something real, but I lose interest. At first, I thought this was because I just wasn't meeting interesting people, but it happens time and again. My friends say I am being too needy but that's not it. I just don't feel like being with someone if they don't spark something in me. Should I stop dating for a while or keep meeting people in the hope that I will find someone great in the future?
You should take some time off not to avoid other people but to try and understand your expectations a little better. There's nothing wrong with wanting something genuine, and it's the only way to ensure you have a meaningful relationship, but you should also try and define what genuine means. When you meet someone new, try and think about what has attracted you to the person, and why that interest fades. Is it a behavioural issue, or an intellectual mismatch? Do you dislike what you are talking about? It may also make sense to approach the idea of dating differently and start with something less complicated. If you are upfront about wanting to explore a friendship and see if that evolves into something deeper organically, you may find people in a similar situation who are trying to accomplish the same thing.

How do I get an old friend back if she thinks we no longer have anything in common?
You can try asking for a meeting and listen to what she has to say, but this won't work if there is no willingness to try and fix what has been broken. If she does agree to speak, try and see things from her perspective before countering it with what you believe. Patience and time may help.

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