19 March,2026 09:26 AM IST | Mumbai | Dr Love
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I am a 25-year-old woman and I struggle with confidence when it comes to my relationships with men. I am reasonably good-looking and intelligent, but I somehow end up with people who are better in some way, which makes me feel inadequate. When this happens, I start to overcompensate and the relationship becomes harder to manage than it should be. I have tried to work on my confidence, but I don't have any support which I think makes me seek validation from people I date. Should I speak to a therapist about this or just hope that I will get more confident as I grow older? Should I avoid going on dates until I feel stronger mentally?
Confidence has to come from within, but we sometimes need a bit of help from the external world to find it. If you have no one to support you, that is unfortunate because family and friends can often play a huge role in helping us build a picture of ourselves. This isn't something to worry about though because you come across as very self-aware. If you know why you overcompensate and seek external validation, you are already on your way towards finding a version of yourself that appeals to you. Ask yourself why people date you or get into relationships with you, despite you believing that you are somehow inferior. If people are with you, it is because they value you and your presence, and believe you add something of value to their lives. Take some time off from dating if this is causing you anxiety and try working on yourself for a while. Swearing off dating completely doesn't resolve anything because you may find someone who gives you just what you need in a relationship.
How do I know if I am taking my partner for granted?
If you are worried about this, you already feel as if you aren't doing what is expected of you. The easiest way to figure this out is by asking a direct question.
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