Dr love with Mid-Day: Ex keeps asking for a second chance...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I was in a relationship for four years and it ended badly. My ex has not been able to move on and keeps messaging me asking for a second chance. I have not responded because I think we did everything we could to save this and failed to find a resolution. He can't stand the idea of me going on dates and it's becoming a problem because I feel as if I won't be able to break free until he comes to terms with what has happened. He's a great guy and I wish him well, but I can't be there for him as a friend because I need time to get over this myself. How do I disassociate myself from him without coming across as a horrible person?
Choosing yourself does not make you a horrible person because the end of a relationship is about two adults arriving at a decision that something isn't working. Your ex may need you, and you can empathise, but you have to consider your own well-being as well as your future. If he isn't getting the message, you will have to be clear about boundaries and why you can't be part of his life at this point. This message won't get through if you ignore him, so it may be better to call, explain where you are in your life, and discuss the possibility of being friends again after you have had time to process what has happened. If he can't understand that, you have to evaluate whether your boundaries are being disrespected and whether you may have to take a more stringent approach towards establishing them.

My boyfriend is too stuffy and doesn't enjoy life. How do I change this about him?
Try being patient and looking at why his approach to life differs from your own. Also ask yourself what attracted you to him and if you believe the differences between your personalities can have an impact on your relationship. If your expectations don't match, keep talking about them.

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