Dr Love with Mid-Day: Why is my ex still on my mind?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

It has been two years since I broke up with my ex and began dating someone else. My boyfriend and I have a good relationship, and we are thinking of a long-term commitment because we get along so well but, every now and again, I still think of my ex. I question why it ended and wonder if I made the right choice. I know it's too late to think about these things, but I worry that I can't get him out of my mind after all this time. I assumed I would just move on and that my current relationship would help me forget him completely but that hasn't happened. Is this a sign that I am not with the person I am meant to be? Should I delay committing to something long-term until I feel more secure?
You can always delay any commitment until you're ready because this is an important life-altering decision that involves two people. However, you should also confront the reality of what thinking about your ex may mean. What you shared with him is different from the relationship you're currently in, and thinking about him isn't the same as wondering if you aren't with the right person. Try and isolate this to ask yourself questions about how you feel. Do you love the person you're with? Do you know why you have stayed together for two years? Do you get what you want from this relationship or is there something missing? Being able to get an honest response to this will help you understand where the thoughts of someone from your past are coming from. You can't turn back time, nor can you change the reality of your situation. What you can do is commit to understanding your current relationship better and spending a little more time trying to evaluate what is and isn't working. If you aren't happy with your boyfriend, don't commit, but do this only when you have been able to evaluate this relationship on its own terms first.

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