Dr love with mid-day: I’d like him to do more for me...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

How do I teach my partner to do more things that make me feel better? I don't want to control him in any way, but I feel a distance between what I would like him to do and what he does. We don't talk about this stuff because we have been together for just seven months, so I feel it may be a question of time, and him understanding me better. I think that being direct about this may be better though, because it will shape the future of our relationship. How do I do this without coming across as someone trying to control him?
Spending more time together will obviously help with increasing levels of comfort and getting closer to a place of understanding, but there's nothing wrong with talking about your wants or expectations because it will help you both. This isn't about control, so you have to stop looking at it from that perspective and start thinking of it as a dialogue, and an exchange of information that can help you both get to a place of equality. He may want things too and may have an opinion about you that he isn't comfortable sharing. It's only by pushing these boundaries and opening up that your relationship can evolve, so go for it and tell him what's on your mind.

I finally told my girlfriend a deep secret and I feel as if it has changed the way she looks at me. It's as if she judges me and I don't know how to get back to the way things used to be between us. What should I do?
You can try being more patient and acknowledge what she's processing. It's new information that may call for time and space, and if things have changed, it's because all relationships evolve in different ways when circumstances around them shift. Keep lines of communication open, tell her you're ready and willing to talk about anything that's on her mind, and there will eventually be a new equilibrium.

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