Dr love with Mid-day: He just doesn’t take me seriously!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My boyfriend needs to make some major changes if this relationship is to survive. He isn't taking my comments seriously and doesn't seem to realise that I am prepared to walk away if he doesn't do what I'm asking him to. He thinks I am imposing my own rules which is not true because all I'm asking for is more emotional support, better communication, and more honesty about our feelings towards each other. He doesn't seem to take any of this seriously which is why we are struggling and he doesn't even realise it. I can't be with someone who isn't mature enough to put in the work required to build a strong, healthy bond. How do I get through to him?
You have been direct about what you want, and your request is perfectly reasonable for anyone interested in growing stronger together. If he isn't getting the point, it's because he isn't listening and that is a red flag. Growth is only possible with openness and acceptance, and there are no signs of these in his comments about you imposing your own rules. If you keep repeating yourself and he isn't getting the message, you will get to a point where you don't feel the need to try anymore. If he isn't acknowledging that this is already a problem, your relationship isn't going to go anywhere, and you need to start thinking about your future without this person.

I just found out that someone I have been dating was once married. He has never mentioned it before. Should I assume he is withholding other pieces of important information from me?
There may be valid reasons for him not saying anything before, starting from how well you know him and for how long. If you have questions, ask them. If he is evasive, you can insist on an explanation. It doesn't make sense to assume the worst just yet though, because sometimes, difficult things can only be revealed with time and when levels of comfort have been established.

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