Dr love with mid-day: We broke up, but continue to talk...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I dated someone for five years until we broke up. He eventually began going out with someone else and has been with her for almost a year. We still chat daily and I don't know if his girlfriend is aware of this or if she is okay with me being such a prominent presence in his life. I know I am still in love with him, but I can't do anything about it. I keep hoping he will change his mind and tell me that we should give our relationship another chance, but he is clear that this isn't working. I want him back but don't know what to do. Should I cut off all contact with him until I can control my feelings better?
Getting over a long-term relationship is never easy, so what you're feeling is understandable and completely valid. It's also okay to feel as if you would like a second chance, but it has to be tempered with what the reality is. If he isn't going to try, there is no hope, and nothing you feel can make a difference. Cutting off all contact may give you some temporary respite from what you're dealing with, but it doesn't address the underlying pain that can't and won't be willed away. This is someone important to you, so the better way may be to talk about it with him or accept that you will have to put yourself through this difficult period until time helps you heal.

Someone I meet quite regularly is very kind to me and helps me in all kinds of ways but doesn't want a relationship. I keep meeting him because I think we have something, but it doesn't seem like it's going anywhere. Can I change his mind?
If he isn't interested, you can either ask him a direct question or accept that this isn't going anywhere. You have nothing to lose by being honest, so why not tell him how you feel and get to the bottom of this situation?

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