He hasn’t forgiven my infidelity...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 29-year old woman and have been in a relationship with a guy my age for two years now. A little over six months ago, we had a major disagreement and I ended up sleeping with a colleague. I told my boyfriend this when we got back together, and it took him a long time to come to terms with it, but he eventually forgave me. He now says he isn't bothered by that episode and has moved on, but I don't think he has. He mentions it whenever we have an argument, and his behaviour towards me has changed in all kinds of ways. I don't think he respects me as much as he used to, for instance, and he sometimes spends days without bothering to ask me how I am. I have tried to talk about this and tell him why I feel as if he hasn't forgiven me, but he says I am just overthinking it and that I should accept that this is behind us. What should I do?
He can't ask you not to feel the way you do, because that is a form of gaslighting that invalidates your feelings. If you think he is being disrespectful, or that he doesn't care about you as much as he used to, you are right to call it out and confront him with it. Cheating in any form is always a difficult hurdle to cross in any relationship, and it is understandable that he will find it hard to get over this. Having said that, forgiveness means little if it isn't unconditional, so bringing up that episode during every argument is a clear sign that he hasn't fully forgiven you either. I suggest you accept that this is still an unresolved issue and give him more time to process it. Continue to talk about how you feel and allow time to help him heal and move on. If things don't change in a few months, you should also ask him to consider therapy.

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