Dr Love with Mid-Day: Should I stay or should I leave?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 25-year-old woman and have been trying to commit to a long-term relationship with a guy who keeps saying he needs more time to decide. We have been together for a little over three years, and I keep wondering if this will turn into something more serious, but he says we are too young and shouldn't put pressure on ourselves yet. I agree with him to some extent, but I also worry that I may never mean as much to him as he does to me. If he thinks of age as the criteria to define when one should get serious about someone, it feels as if we don't look at this relationship the same way. Should I give him an ultimatum or just stay with him and hope that his attitude changes? Am I being too hasty? I know we are still young, and I don't want to get married just yet, but I also want some stability that I feel is lacking.
You alone can and should define what you want from a relationship, and how much you are willing to put up with a mismatch of expectations. Your partner's reasons are perfectly reasonable, as are your wishes, so this isn't about right or wrong as much as it is about not being on the same page. It's possible that he has a different perspective, but you have also been together for three years which says something about how you both feel for the other. Ask yourself about what works in this relationship, why you have stayed together, and whether you value your partner's presence in your life. If you have strong reasons to stay, you may find the ability to be patient until he starts to look at this differently. It may also help to have regular conversations about how you both feel, because talking about your need for stability and what you are both looking for may make it easier to understand the other person's point of view a little better.

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