‘He is making a huge mistake’

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My friend recently introduced me to a guy who she thought would be great for me. We met for dinner and then went on a few more dates, and I was increasingly convinced that she was right. He's great to talk to, kind, attentive, and we have a lot in common. A few days ago, when I told him that I was beginning to have feelings for him, he said he felt the same way. The weird thing is, when he found out that I am five years younger, he said he would have to stop meeting me. I don't know what happened, but I was sure this was a possible relationship because it has been a long time since I felt comfortable with someone. I don't want to force him to reconsider, but I think he is making a mistake and dismissing me for the wrong reasons. What should I do?
You should accept that this is a red flag because the person you're interested in can't see beyond his biases. It could be age, or any other thing, but maturity is about weighing the positives against anything we consider negative. It's about being rational and not allowing our prejudices to get in the way of something good. If he can't get over this, you must accept that the loss is his alone. Nothing stops you from putting forth an argument, of course, but this is an adult you're speaking to, and someone five years older. The onus of making sense shouldn't be on you alone. Give him some time to think about this and allow him to come back on his own. If that doesn't happen, move on.

Should I be the one to cave in whenever my girlfriend and I have an argument?
That depends upon whether you believe this is fair. If you are always the one expected to be the bigger person, there will come a time when resentment starts to have an unhealthy impact on your relationship. Tell her how you feel.

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