He needs to get that we are DONE!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 25-year-old and just got out of a relationship after three years. My ex won't let go of me and constantly tells me how much he misses me. He tells all our friends that he wants me back, and they end up putting pressure on me because they think I am not appreciative of him. He sends me gifts, calls even if I don't pick up, and is convinced that I will get back with him. I know we were together for three years and it's probably hard for him to get over what has happened, but the more he does this, the more I am convinced that I won't give this relationship another chance. I want to get this message through to him, but if I reach out, he will misinterpret it as my trying to bring about some reconciliation. How do I put this chapter behind me without making things too difficult for him?

The onus of making this easy or difficult for him isn't on you, because you both decided to walk from a relationship as adults. If he has changed his mind, he is allowed to, but he has to respect boundaries and that doesn't appear to be happening. If you are sure about not giving this another chance, send him and all your friends a message about this. If they push back, that is disrespectful and not what good friends are supposed to do because it implies that you don't know your own mind. If he doesn't get the message, and his behaviour starts to affect your mental health, what he is doing can pass for harassment and there may be legal consequences he doesn't understand. That may sound harsh at this point though, so it is best to be as clear and direct about your intentions as possible. The end of any relationship is hard, and there will always be two sides to this, but you have made up your mind and deserve to be able to move on.

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