He often talks about his crush...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

A few weeks ago, my boyfriend, who has been with me for a year or so, told me about a crush he has had on this girl for almost a decade. Apparently, they were in college together and he told her how he felt about her, but she didn't reciprocate. He has never been able to get over her. l didn't respond to this, but I was wondering why he brought it up. Since then, he has mentioned her again a few times, always when we have some kind of argument. I don't know if he is measuring me against her and finding me lacking, or if he is just saying this to make me jealous. Is this something I should worry about? If he isn't happy with me, I would rather he just said that plainly instead of dropping these vague hints.
You're right about the need for directness, and you should ask him about it. There is no reason for this person from his past to have any impact on your relationship, given that she had nothing to do with him either. If he keeps mentioning her, call him out on it and point out that it's disrespectful, and makes you feel as if you are being compared to her. If he wants to make you jealous, it is childish and a sign of his immaturity as well as his insecurity. Whenever this occurs, make it a point to discuss it, until he can come clean on why she still affects him in some way. If he hasn't been able to get over her, and you feel as if you are someone just standing in, talk about whether your relationship has a future. You can't be the only one trying to make this work if he isn't pulling his weight. Love, trust, and mutual respect are critical, along with the ability to say what's on each of your minds. If he doesn't get that, and can't do it, you should ask more questions about this relationship.

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