He says he wants another chance...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My boyfriend refused to commit to a long-term relationship after three years of being together, so I ended it a year ago. I didn't date anyone else and focused on my career instead. I have been doing really well, and recently earned enough of a bonus to buy a one-bedroom place of my own. A week or so ago, he reached out to me and said he was willing to have a conversation about our future if I would give him another chance. I am confused because I do miss him and would like to be with him, but I also relish my independence and feel as if I will lose it by being in a relationship. I would rather stay single, enjoy my new place, and think about marrying someone when I feel like it. Since our relationship ended, I am not convinced that I need to be with anyone at the moment. Am I making a mistake by letting him go?
You're making a decision based on how you feel and, if there is clarity about those feelings, you're doing what you believe is right for you at the moment. It's okay to miss someone, but also okay to weigh the pros and cons of being with someone as opposed to spending time by yourself and figuring out what you want to do next. If a relationship with him is important to you a few months down the line, and he agrees, maybe you will find a way back to each other. You can always ask for time, which is a reasonable request, and one he should have no problem agreeing to if he is serious about wanting a second chance.

How do I move away from a friendship with someone if we also work in the same office?
Having a conversation about why you feel the way you do, and how you don't want it to affect your professional relationship, may work better than a passive-aggressive approach. Be direct, honest, and firm to avoid awkwardness.

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