He seems jealous of my success...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My boyfriend is extremely competitive about everything, and it often makes me feel as if he is jealous of my success or of anything good that happens to me. It's not as if he doesn't love me or care about me, but his actions are sometimes at odds with what he says to me because of this compulsive need to be better at everything. I recently got a salary hike, and it made him up upset because he was afraid that I would earn more than him. He has apologised for this, but I know he doesn't really want me to earn more. How do I deal with this? It makes me afraid to even tell him something positive because of how jealous he will become.
If a partner cannot share in your successes and joys, they are not invested in you or your well-being as much as they profess to be. He may be loving, caring, and capable of saying the right things, but it is his actions that matter more than anything else. Tell him why his jealousy is hurtful and unproductive for this relationship and ask him why he feels the need to compete with someone he claims to love. A relationship is about partnership and propping each other up. It is about sharing joys and sorrows, not about trying to be one up on the other. If he doesn't get this, he isn't capable of being in a relationship, and his presence may ultimately cause more harm than good in your life.

A close friend of mine recently hinted that he has feelings for me, but there was also a veiled threat of ending this friendship if I didn't reciprocate. I don't want the friendship to end but how can I force myself to feel something I don't?
You can't and shouldn't. If a friendship is based on conditions, it isn't real, nor should it be encouraged. If your friend doesn't accept you for who you are, or respect how you feel, move on.

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