‘I have feelings for friend’s ex’

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I think I have feelings for my friend's ex-boyfriend. They were together for almost two years, and I always liked him a little, but they broke up a few months ago and I have been chatting with him more than usual. I am tempted to tell him how I feel but I am also afraid because I don't know how my friend will react. She may be okay with it, but she may also think I have just been biding my time and waiting for them to end it. I want to tell him this just to find out if he is even remotely interested in me, but fear of my friend's reaction is making me awkward. What should I do about this? Should I just avoid any potential issue and not say anything to him?
Everything you are worried about is speculative because you have no facts to base your reaction on. If you are worried about your friend, talk to her and be honest because that's what friendship means. If you want to say something to her ex-boyfriend, say it because you will find out what you need to know sooner rather than later. Whatever you choose, understand that you must put yourself first and accept that people will behave the way they do based on how much they value you and how mature they are as adults. You can't blame yourself for their behaviour if you haven't done anything wrong. Also, assuming this involves three people who are single, there shouldn't be a problem with you having any of these conversations.

I'm jealous that my boyfriend could be talking to girls who are a lot prettier than I am. This insecurity makes me worry all the time and I am sure he will get annoyed and break up with me. How do I prevent that from happening?
There will always be prettier people around, but you have to also trust your boyfriend and acknowledge that you are the one he is in a relationship with.

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