His behaviour hasn’t changed!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My boyfriend recently behaved very badly with me, and we ended up separating for a few months. I was prepared to end it permanently, but he apologised and kept asking me to take him back. I only agreed because it felt as if he was genuinely trying to change. The thing is, since we got back together, the guilt of what he did has changed him. He doesn't want to accept that he did something wrong, so he ends up blaming me for a lot of things as if I am the one responsible. I keep calling him out on this, and he stops, but this has happened repeatedly over the past two months, and I don't know how to get him to change. Should I ask for another separation until he can put this behind him?
You can, if you believe this is the only way out, but the fact that you are considering such a drastic move should tell you that he is still hurting you. If he can't see that he is, this relationship is in danger because you can't always be the bigger person and find a way of coping with his mistakes or bad behaviour. Separating may only postpone the inevitable if you can't get him to see why this is causing you pain. Tell him that you have chosen to move on, while he clearly hasn't, and ask him if he wants to work towards a future together. If he does, but doesn't pull his weight, you should question whether this relationship is as solid as you would like it to be.

I am in love with someone who is in love with my friend, and this is causing all kinds of friction between us. It feels like a triangle where nothing is going well for any of us. How can I fix this?
You may have to evaluate what is more important: being with someone who isn't interested in you or being the bigger person and choosing happiness for a friend.

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