I’m having second about our marriage

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a recently married woman and have been having second thoughts about this decision. I was in a relationship with this man for two years before we decided to marry, and I had reservations at the time, but he was in a hurry because he is four years older than I am. I agreed because I love him and thought we could iron out any differences after the wedding because we would have all the time in the world. It has been a year since we married, but he feels more distant than ever. All the differences I had identified when we were dating have stayed the same, and he is more complacent because he feels as if he doesn't need to change anything now that I am his wife. How do I cope with this? I don't want this to be how I spend the rest of my life.
It has been a year, and you are both presumably dealing with this change in different ways. He assumes there is nothing left for him to do, while you believe this is only the beginning. The sooner you are both on the same page, the stronger your chances of building a strong and healthy relationship. To think about what might have been solves nothing, because the fact is you are both married and committed to making this work. If your husband doesn't think there is anything wrong, and you don't inform him as clearly as possible that there are unresolved issues, you are both creating patterns it will be hard to break. Consider a short holiday, tell him how you felt before the wedding, and begin working on understanding each other better. It will not be easy, but it's not impossible either.

My girlfriend wants me to be romantic but that is not who I am. How can I change?
She presumably decided to be with you because she saw something in you. Ask her what that was, and why she feels the need to change you.

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