‘Should I break up with him?’

Illustration/Uday Mohite

When do you know it's the right time to break up and assume a relationship is beyond saving? I have been trying to make things work with me and my boyfriend for a year and a half, but there are only superficial changes, and nothing concrete that makes me think this is stable. He thinks it takes time and wants me to be patient, but I don't know if this is a sensible approach. The longer I wait, the more it feels as if I am the one being asked to accommodate him. I love him a lot but am also sure it's not enough because the relationship isn't giving me what I need. Should I wait or end it?
You appear to have all the information you need about this relationship and how it isn't meeting your needs or expectations. A year and a half without serious change is enough to tell you what you need to know. Also, as you point out, love isn't enough if other aspects of this relationship aren't working for you. Patience is a good thing only if you can see signs of progress. If there aren't any, the request for patience is a form of gaslighting because you are being asked to put aside how you really feel.

A few months ago, I lied about something and was caught, which made my boyfriend end our relationship. I know what I did was wrong, but it wasn't bad enough to justify his decision. How can I get him back?
The reasons may not be justified but the outcome has been based on something he felt was right for him. You can reach out and make a case for why you should get back together, but accepting your reasons are his prerogative. Also, when a relationship ends, there are two perspectives. What may not seem like reason enough to end something for you, may have caused more harm than you think. Telling him that you accept his reasons may be a good start.

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