‘It feels likes I’m not a priority’

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My boyfriend has been with me for around two years, and, in all that time, I have never felt as if I am a priority in his life. It's not as if I don't sense that he loves me or cares about me, but the fact that everything from his family and work always seems to take precedence makes me feel like an afterthought. I wonder if I am overthinking this, and if I just want attention, which is why I have never put my foot down and asked for something. Should I tell him how I feel and risk causing some harm to what is an otherwise satisfying relationship?
If you feel like an afterthought, your relationship isn't a satisfying one despite you telling yourself that it is. If you want more attention and are afraid to ask for it, your relationship is suffering from something, and you are hoping for change without putting in the work. Your boyfriend may have different priorities but not telling him how you feel only reinforces the idea that he is doing something right, when he clearly isn't. If you want this relationship to improve, you have to start by identifying needs that are or aren't being met and talking about them. That dialogue leads to resolution and a stronger bond. Also, being afraid to say something because it may cause harm is another red flag because relationships thrive only when two people can be honest about how they feel.

A few weeks ago, my girlfriend broke up with me because her best friend said I wasn't good enough for her. How can I win her back?
If your girlfriend trusts her friend more than she trusts herself and her own mind, what makes you think she won't leave you the next time a comment like this is made? Your relationship ended because she didn't believe in it enough, which made it easier for her to go by what someone outside it was saying. Ask yourself if you want that again.

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