I’m in no hurry to be married, he is!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My fiancé and I have been engaged for a year-and-a-half, and he wants us to marry within the next six months because he thinks we have waited long enough. The only reason for my not agreeing is that we don't have the downpayment for an apartment yet. If I agree to his demand and marry, we will have to live with his parents for almost a year, which is fine with him but a huge issue for me because I don't get along with them very well. They are always polite to me, but they are also not very accepting of my background and what I do for a living, which makes me feel as if they are just being tolerant because of their son. My fiancé thinks this is a minor thing, and that a year with them shouldn't be too difficult to manage, but I would rather wait because it will have a significant impact on our early life as a married couple. He says a delay will only cause problems in our relationship. What should we do?
You may both have valid reasons for choosing to marry now or after you are financially secure, so it all boils down to how much you are both willing to compromise to find a workable solution. A year with your in-laws may be tolerable, but not at the expense of your well-being because the start of married life will be a challenging time for you both. You may need to explain why this can have an adverse effect on your mental health, because it's possible that your fiancé isn't seeing things from your perspective yet. If he has reasons explaining why the relationship will suffer if marriage is postponed by a year, maybe you can aim for six months instead of a year. Think of it as the first problem you will both have to navigate as a married couple. Also, try treating each other with more empathy because it will make a huge difference.

The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com