I want to be the one he marries...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 35-year old woman and have been in love with a guy since we were in college. We dated for a few months, but things didn't work out, and he eventually went on to marry someone else. I have stayed single since then. I recently found out that his marriage ended a few months ago, and we began chatting after he reached out to me on Facebook. He thinks of me as a good friend because of our past and he often confides in me about what he is up to and how he is feeling. I get the sense that he wants to get into a new relationship and a part of me wants to be that person because I know we can make it work this time. I am also concerned though, because I don't want to be the person he chooses only to get over his ex. If I wait, he may simply start dating someone else, which will break my heart. I am confused and don't know what to do. Please help.
You should think about why you believe a relationship with him will work this time around if it didn't back then. It's tempting to assume he will get back with you, but also presumptuous because you have no idea if he thinks of you the same way. The most sensible thing to do, for now, is to keep lines of communication open and allow this to evolve in its own time. Speaking to him more will allow you to gauge his own feelings and give him time to process the end of his marriage too. If he decides to be with someone else, there is nothing you can do to change that because we can't compel people to fall in love with us. It has to be a natural process. For now, it seems as if he needs a friend he can trust, and you are playing that role, which is all that matters. You can't force things to happen.

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