I want to live in, he doesn’t...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

It's been two years since my boyfriend and I began dating, and we have decided to take this relationship to the next stage. He wants us to get engaged, but I am inclined to moving in together before we do that. He says it feels as if I don't have enough faith in our ability to be together for the rest of our lives, but I am only suggesting this for a practical reason. I want to see what it's like to live with him before making any commitment, and it's not because I don't love him or trust him. He doesn't see this, and it hurts me because I know he cares about me and is just choosing to be unreasonable. Should I agree with him and get engaged? I don't think I will regret it, but a part of me will always wonder if I should have moved in first, especially if our relationship doesn't work out later. Am I being too pessimistic?
There is nothing wrong with making any move that helps you arrive at a place of greater understanding. Agreeing to something just because you want to make your boyfriend happy is exactly the kind of thing you should avoid if you want this relationship to evolve. This has to be about a compromise that works for you both, because any long-term commitment is about making sure both partners are satisfied. It's not about placing one person's needs above the other's because a successful relationship is about equality and working towards a common goal. If your boyfriend isn't comfortable with moving in yet, the two of you should consider other alternatives. It is also important to consider that you can make any decision about this relationship even after an engagement, because committing to someone for the rest of your life is serious and should be treated as such. Tell him what your fears are, give him time to see things from your perspective, and come up with a plan that works for you both.

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