Mom is way too protective!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 28-year old guy and have been struggling with depression for a few years. I lost my father when I was 15, and my mother has been overprotective and attached to me since then, which is one of the reasons for my problem. She is always concerned about where I am, what I am doing, who I am meeting, and all of this puts a lot of pressure on me because it feels as if I have to be around her all the time. She doesn't even see that I am depressed and doesn't recognise that the loss of my father is responsible for how she behaves. I am an only child so I get why she acts in this way, but I am worried because I really like this girl and have been dreading asking her out on account of how my mother will react. My previous relationships have all been ruined by her attitude and I am scared that this will end badly, too. How do I deal with this situation?
This will always be difficult to manage because it's obvious that your mother needs help and isn't getting it. She may not be open to the idea of counselling either, which will require you to accept more than you should, or are capable of dealing with. Depression is serious and needs to be treated, so I suggest you try and get help on that front for yourself even if your mother refuses to acknowledge that she should speak to someone. As for your relationships, the only way of dealing with them is to be honest about how your mother's presence affects your life and has the potential to affect anyone who chooses to be with you. In fact, a relationship may be a sensible way for you to get some help in dealing with this. If you are with someone who loves and trusts you, she may be able to give you emotional support and a perspective that can help you cope better.

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