My wife hates intimacy, I don’t

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My wife and I are both 42. We have been married for 19 years and have two daughters. After my second daughter was born 10 years ago, my wife lost interest in all physical intimacy. In the last decade, we must have had sex just five or six times. She ignores me whenever I make an overture. She fights with me for the smallest things, and I don't know how to deal with this situation. I am still young and don't want to waste my life. Please help me with a suggestion on what I can do to fix this.
Children can have a profound impact on one's sex drive, and it isn't uncommon for couples to struggle with intimacy after becoming parents. It's important to have conversations about this though, because your irritation may give way to larger issues that can threaten the stability of your marriage if this isn't addressed. If your physical needs aren't met, and your wife's expectations don't match with your own, it is important that you both consider speaking to a counsellor to try and address this mismatch. If your wife doesn't acknowledge it or consider how you feel, this cannot be resolved. I suggest you ask her to take this seriously because she may not be interested in sex for now, but she needs to understand that this can affect your relationship permanently if it is brushed under the carpet.

Should I tell my boyfriend that I had a crush on his best friend when we first began dating? I don't feel that way anymore, but he wants us to be honest and this may strengthen our relationship.
Being honest is great, but only if the information you choose share has a positive impact on your relationship. How does this have any bearing on the way you currently feel about each other? Doesn't it unnecessarily muddle the waters? I suggest you think about those aspects too, before you decide to say anything.

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