Partner, parents don’t get along...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

How can I convince my partner to be more understanding towards my parents? She and I have been together for four years, but the relationship between them has only deteriorated over time because neither seems to be able to understand or accept the other. I know my partner is very different from my parents, who are old-fashioned and conversative, but I can't abandon one for the other because they are all important to me. I want to ask my partner to marry me in the next year or two, and the only thing stopping me is I know they will not be able to get along in the same household. I have tried to get them to speak to each other on multiple occasions, but it has not helped. I am on the verge of ending this relationship because it doesn't seem like we can have a future together. Please help.
It is perfectly okay for people to not get along if they feel as if they have nothing in common, provided they can be honest about these differences and work towards the bigger picture here. If you can explain to your parents as well as your partner why you love her, why you want to be with her, and what is preventing you from making it happen, they may be able to work towards a compromise keeping your relationship and the happiness of two people in mind. You cannot accomplish this on your own because there are three adults with attitudes of their own involved. All you can do is show them what you are trying to achieve and request them to pull their weight to try and make it easier. You can also consider a compromise that involves the three of them spending the least amount of time together or meeting only on specific occasions if necessary. This boils down to adjustments, which you will all have to make going forward, unless your partner is okay with letting this go.

The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com