She demeans him in public!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My best friend is in a relationship with a woman who constantly demeans him in front of everyone. She says horrible things about him to us and he just smiles and says it doesn't matter. We can't stand her or the way she behaves, but he is so madly in love with her that nothing we say or do to warn him has an impact. I have tried to explain to him that this will only get worse if he doesn't do something about it, but he says that things are great between them in private and that she only says these things because she wants us to know that he doesn't control her in any way. I don't buy this explanation at all, but there is nothing I can do to convince him, and I have begun avoiding meeting them both because it always leaves me feeling hopeless. What should I do about this?
Why not do what he says, and accept that things are great between them? She is in a relationship with him alone, and there is no real reason why his friends need to accept her. It would be nice, obviously, but it has no bearing on the bond they share. You have said your piece, and so have other people, and it is possible that your friend accepts your comments and simply chooses not to act upon them. It's his prerogative and his partner, so I suggest you leave them alone. You can meet him without her, to make sure your friendship stays intact, rather than avoiding them both.

What do I tell someone who loves me a lot and can't accept that I don't feel the same way?
You can tell them the truth and, if that isn't enough, you should consider not speaking with them until they get it. This may sound harsh and even childish but, sometimes, only drastic measures can help someone snap out of a state of delusion and accept what life in the real world is like.

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