She’s always humiliating me!

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 28-year old guy and have been dating a girl I have known since college. We weren't together back then, but she knows me very well. That familiarity is a problem because, since we decided to date, she takes every opportunity to belittle me based on what I used to be like in college. I was shy and not very well-dressed or confident back then, and she always makes me feel bad about myself even though I have tried very hard to work on how I present myself. She knows my vulnerabilities so, whenever we have a fight, she knows what to say because hurting me is easy. I never use anything against her even though I know she used to be like. She says she loves me a lot, and I don't doubt that she has feelings for me, but this familiarity also creates issues because I don't know how cruel she can be if she wants to bring up memories from our past. What should I do to get her to stop?
What your girlfriend is doing borders on emotional cruelty, so this isn't about getting her to stop as much as it is about you reconsidering what you get out of this relationship. Anyone using their knowledge of your personal life against you is someone who doesn't have your best interests at heart. The strongest and most genuine relationships are based on empathy, and your girlfriend isn't displaying too much of it. Tell her why her behaviour is hurtful, unacceptable, and potentially dangerous for your future together. If she really likes you and wants this to work, that should be enough to get her to stop. If it isn't enough, this is someone who isn't taking you seriously. Respect goes both ways in a relationship, and she isn't doing her part. Give it some time, see if your conversation gets her to amend her ways, and take a call on whether you think this is going to work based on how things change.

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