Should we give this another chance?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a recently divorced 46-year old woman. My ex-husband and I weren't on good terms for almost six years, after which we decided to end the marriage because it was taking a mental toll on us. The divorce was finalised six months ago. Last weekend, he called me out of the blue and asked if he would like to meet for dinner. I agreed, out of curiosity, and we had a great time. It felt as if we were dating again. Since then, we have met on two more occasions, for a movie and just coffee. It feels as if he wants to give us a second chance, which is confusing because we were married for almost ten years, and it only got progressively worse. He hasn't said anything directly, because I think he is just trying to gauge my reaction and how I feel, but I don't know what to do about this. On the one hand, I am lonely, and miss being married. On the other, I was so miserable when I was with him over the last years of our relationship. What should I do?
What does a relationship mean to you, in terms of what you expect out of marriage? Is it companionship alone? If it is a means of coping with loneliness, a friend can play that role too. You have to think about your feelings, how they have evolved, and what you feel towards this person. Why did the marriage fail? What steps did either of you take to try and fix it? Did you both accept your individual shortcomings? Did you seek professional help? Your decision should be based upon how you have grown and what you have learned, not simply on whether you feel lonely. Addressing symptoms instead of the root of any problem will only lead to problems down the line, with your ex-husband or anyone else you choose to date. Take some time for yourself, think about your needs, and how much you are prepared to give up.

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