Struggling with her confession...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My girlfriend recently confessed that she kissed someone at a party after drinking too much alcohol. She was very apologetic and asked me to forgive her, but I keep feeling as if she cheated on me by doing that. If she did it once, what stops her from doing it again? Also, if she says she just kissed someone, how do I believe that is all that happened given that she was under the influence at the time? It has been over two weeks since the incident, but I am so confused and am struggling to accept it. We haven't met since she told me, and she keeps messaging, but I have told her I need time. Should I break up with her or am I overreacting? She was honest with me, which is why I think I should forgive her, but at the same time I don't know if I can trust her after this. What do I do?
You can take some time to figure out how and why this has upset you, because you alone are entitled to feeling the way you do. Breaking up is something to consider only if you believe the trust between you is irrevocably broken. Yes, something bad happened, but she didn't withhold this from you, which means she wants to be in a relationship that is built on honesty. You can choose to think the worst about her, but it should be based on facts, not speculation, because that is unfair to her. Forgiveness may take time, obviously, but it can only be unconditional. Without that, you will keep stumbling over this, and being unable to put it behind you will lead to resentment or other forms of anger that can be corrosive to any relationship. Tell her you're upset, ask for time, and keep lines of communication open so you are both aware of what is going on. Also try and keep the bigger picture in mind: why she matters, and what this relationship means to you both.

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