Afraid he will find out about my past

Updated: Jul 09, 2020, 05:17 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

He doesn't know about my past though, because he has never asked me for details

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

picThis is difficult for me to talk about, but I was in a relationship for two years that ended with me having an abortion. I eventually split up with my boyfriend and moved to another city, where I met someone and eventually married him. It has been a year and a half, and we are both very happy together. He doesn't know about my past though, because he has never asked me for details. I am constantly afraid because I don't know how he will react if he ever finds out. I don't want him to change how he sees me and am worried about him asking for a divorce if he finds out what I once did. How do I deal with this? I can't be afraid all the time because it will ruin my marriage.

You have been through a traumatic event that you alone can understand. Men can have all the opinions they want to have when it comes to abortion, but the fact is it is only women who have the right to talk about it given that it involves their bodies alone. Your husband may be a great guy who has a problem with your past, or a guy who understands that this doesn't involve him in any way. How he reacts will depend not only on who he is, or how he has been raised, but on how the two of you work towards strengthening your bond. You're right about not wanting to live in a state of fear, so I suggest you give him some time, get to understand him better, then speak to him openly about anything you are prepared to.

My partner and I constantly fight because there is a huge difference in our pay scales. How do we resolve this?

Financial disputes should be taken seriously because can end any relationship. I suggest you and your partner decide whether the money is worth losing each other. Focus on what is important, and what you both stand to lose.

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