Am not attracted to my boyfriend

Published: Jan 11, 2020, 06:53 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

I don't want to settle for compatibility or companionship and ignore everything else

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

Dr LoveMy boyfriend of two years recently proposed marriage to me. I told him I needed time to think about this, and he was confused because he thought I loved him. The thing is, I do love him, and am sure he loves me too. What I don't feel is a strong sexual attraction to him which I believe is important for any relationship. I don't want to settle for compatibility or companionship and ignore everything else. Am I being unreasonable? Should I just accept his proposal?

You shouldn't accept anything if you're not happy. It makes more sense to tell him why you are hesitating, acknowledge that there is a problem, and do what it takes to fix it before taking this to the next stage. Your boyfriend may not be aware of an issue and will want to address this given how important physical intimacy is. Speak to him, ask for more time, and make a decision when you are more comfortable.

I am unhappy in my marriage for reasons that don't make sense to any of my friends or family members. We have been married for a decade and I simply don't know my husband. We talk about things and have a good time together, but I don't really know who he is as a person because he doesn't open up about anything. I have tried to get him to tell me more about what's in his head, and he never does. Is it normal to be married for so long and still feel like a stranger?

It isn't normal, but there are things you can do to try and remedy this because it sounds as if there is a communication problem that isn't being acknowledged. Your husband may disagree, but you have a right to feel the way you do. If you would like him to talk more, suggest a few exploratory conversations with a counsellor. Getting a second opinion from a professional may change the way he looks at this.

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