'My mum doesn't want me to date'

Jan 08, 2019, 07:00 IST | Dr Love

My mother doesn't want me to date though. We have endless arguments about this, but she is adamant.

'My mum doesn't want me to date'

Dr. LoveI am almost 20 years old and all my friends are in relationships. My mother doesn't want me to date though. We have endless arguments about this, but she is adamant. She wants me to stay single for a few more years, which makes no sense to me. She says she was never in a relationship because hers was an arranged marriage, but I don't see why I have to do what she did just because it worked for her. My father doesn't interfere in these conversations, so I can't expect any help from him whatsoever. I am thinking of just dating someone without letting her know but am afraid of what will happen if she ever finds out. How do I get her to change her mind?
Parents will always have specific ideas about what their children can and can't do, and relationships or marriage will always be touchy subjects. You're right about not having to do what she did, especially when it comes to choosing a life partner, but she also probably has some valid reasons for why she feels as strongly as she does. Doing something without her knowledge is always an option, because you are an adult and legally allowed to make your own decisions, but it always makes sense to try and initiate some sort of dialogue instead of simply rebelling. Your parents obviously want the best for you, and you don't want to hurt them either. The more open you are about how you feel, and what their decisions are making you feel, the higher the chances of them eventually listening to you and at least attempting to arrive at some sort of compromise. You don't have to let peer pressure determine how you want to live your life, but you also need to give your parents time and space to gradually come around to your way of thinking. This may take a bit of time and effort, but having small conversations about it can lead to bigger changes.

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