Ex-boyfriend called me self-centred

Published: 14 November, 2019 06:22 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

I don't date anyone and can't even think about it because I don't want to go through this emotional turmoil again

Illustrations/ Uday Mohite
Illustrations/ Uday Mohite

My boyfriend and I broke up after five years of being together. He accused me of not taking our relationship seriously, and said he wanted to be with someone who was less self-centred. I don't know if he meant that or said it just because we had been fighting, but this hurt my self-confidence a lot because of how much time and energy I had given to our relationship. I didn't think I had done anything wrong, so his accusations have made it hard for me to cope. I don't date anyone and can't even think about it because I don't want to go through this emotional turmoil again. How do I put this behind me and get on with my life?

Five years is a long time, so your feelings are completely understandable, as is the blow to your self-confidence, given that this is someone you obviously loved and respected. The healing process takes time though, and what others say about us sometimes overshadows how we feel about ourselves. If you believe you did nothing wrong, that is what you have to hold on to, because the end of a relationship sometimes leads people to say things they don't mean. To take what your ex-boyfriend said when he was obviously hurt may make sense at the moment, but won't always play on your mind as heavily as it currently does. I suggest you focus on yourself, and you will be surprised at how easily you date again when your body and mind think you're ready.

My girlfriend still hangs around with a guy she used to sleep with. I don't know how I feel about this. What should I do?

Assuming she isn't still physical with him, is there any particular reason why you feel uncomfortable? Have you discussed this with her to understand why she still meets him? If he's a friend, is that reason enough for you? Tell her how you feel.

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