I am gutted that my girlfriend moved on

Updated: Feb 14, 2020, 07:58 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

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Illustration/Uday Mohite
Illustration/Uday Mohite

Dr LoveI ended a relationship after 4 years and haven't been able to forget about my girlfriend even though it has been three months since we broke up. I found out last week that she has already found someone else and can't get that out of my mind. I know our relationship would never work, but I can't imagine how she managed to move on so quickly given how long we were together. How do I deal with this sense of rejection?
Why is it rejection if she has decided to move on before you have? The two of you made a decision together, to end something that wasn't working out for you both. If the relationship belongs to your past, so should your feelings about her. It's normal to feel grief, and a sense of loss, both of which will take time to go away. It's unreasonable to expect her to not do what she needs to in order to move on. You will find someone and move on too, eventually, so why resent her for it, or confuse this with an act of rejection?

My boyfriend controls every aspect of my life but doesn't think he is doing this. Whenever I tell him that he is behaving this way, he says I am becoming too sensitive. He wants to know where I am all the time and asks me to give him updates on my activities, which makes no sense to me. I don't want to report to him all the time. How can I get him to change if he doesn't even acknowledge that there is a problem?
He needs to understand that you are both looking at this from different perspectives. If he refuses to acknowledge the problem, this will only get worse. You may have to put your foot down and insist that he take this seriously. If he doesn't, you may have to inform him that the future of your relationship depends upon it.

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