'I feel insecure because she earns more than me'

Aug 10, 2018, 07:04 IST | Dr Love

I get the feeling that she thinks she is better than me because I don't get the kind of salary she does

'I feel insecure because she earns more than me'
Illustration/Uday Mohite

Dr. LoveMy girlfriend earns more money than I do. This wasn't a problem a year ago when we began dating, but I now get the feeling that she thinks she is better than me because I don't get the kind of salary she does. She got a raise a month ago, which was over 50 per cent of the raise I got, and she just shook her head in disappointment when she found out, as if it was my fault that I was being paid less. We do different things in different industries, and she will always get paid more because of the nature of her job. I thought she understood this, but clearly doesn't. I don't know if this will create problems for us going forward, so I would like to resolve it now. How do I get her to understand things from my perspective?
Finance is a common problem when it comes to issues that need resolution, so the sooner the two of you sort this out, the better. Your girlfriend may have some radically different ideas about what you do, or about what she thinks you should be earning. The sooner you both get a better idea of where you stand financially, the smoother things may be as you move forward to the next stage of your relationship. It is also important to understand why she wants you to have more money, whether your financial situation matters more to her than she thinks it does, or did when you first began dating. Either way, talk to her, tell her why her behaviour upsets you and ask what she would like you to do to make things better.

I would like to be a more sensitive boyfriend, but I can't. My girlfriend always says I will never change. I want to, for her, but don't know how.
Does she have specific things she would like you to change? Can't you start with something minor and move on to bigger things?

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