I think he is gay and using me as a cover...

Updated: Jul 18, 2020, 04:22 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

I have reason to believe he just wants me around as a cover, because he is afraid of coming out as gay to his family and friends

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

picI am starting to think that my partner is gay. I don't say this lightly, but we haven't had sex in over a year and he doesn't have a satisfactory explanation for this. I have reason to believe he just wants me around as a cover, because he is afraid of coming out as gay to his family and friends. We have had sex just one or two times since we got together, and he didn't enjoy it. I don't want to be in this role and would prefer it if he were just honest about it. How do I do this without forcing him to do something he doesn't want to?

Why do you feel as if you are forcing him, if you simultaneously feel as if he is forcing you to be something you don't want to? A relationship that is healthy will always be about openness, honesty, and mutual respect. Ask yourself if the situation you are in meets those requirements. Physical intimacy is crucial for any relationship, and his inability to satisfy those needs will affect your physical as well as mental health. I suggest you have this conversation with him in as gentle a manner as possible, because this may be difficult for him to talk about. It has to be discussed though, because irrespective of whether he is confused about his sexuality or not, there is a problem that needs to be addressed if either of you want this to work.

My boyfriend and I split after being together for four years and while I don't regret that decision, I often wish we could still be friends because I have always loved hanging around with him. He won't agree. Is there anything I can do to make him change his mind?

This has to come from him feeling the same way about you and valuing your presence as much as you value his. You can tell him your wishes, but he simply has to arrive at that same intention on his own.

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