My boyfriend's ex still close to him

Published: Nov 27, 2019, 05:13 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

When I ask him why he stays in touch with his ex, he says it's because he feels sorry for her

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

Dr loveMy boyfriend dated a girl for over 3 years before ending it. He and I then met on an online dating platform and have been in a relationship for around 6 months now. He says his former relationship was a nightmare but, for some reason, his ex-girlfriend doesn't let go of him. She sends him messages every day, calls on weekends and chats for hours, and continues to act as if she is still close to him. I don't understand this at all. When I ask him why he stays in touch with her, he says it's because he feels sorry for her. This is starting to bother me a lot, because his behaviour only makes me insecure. Should I ask him to just break off all contact with her? Does that make me sound childish?

If his reasons for being in touch with her don't seem valid to you, you have a right to discuss this insecurity and explain why his behaviour bothers you. Try and analyse your fears as well and think about whether you believe he will go back to her. If he acknowledges that it's over, and refers to it as a nightmare, talk to him about taking steps to move on. Set a time frame, if necessary, or ask him to consider limiting his interactions with her in a manner that makes you feel more secure. Either way, this is something only the two of you can resolve through dialogue. It may take a while, given that the two of you haven't been together long, but you will get to that stage eventually. Hang in there until then.

I lied to my boyfriend about something when we started dating, and now I don't know how to explain why I did it. I'm afraid he will start to mistrust me and don't know what to do.

Don't you risk making it worse by continuing to keep this from him? Building trust takes time, and the sooner you both start working on that, the better.

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