My husband has sex chats with other women
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I have been married for a decade and have a nine-year-old daughter. We had a happy married life until I found out about the true nature of my husband. He used to indulge in sex chats with many women using instant messenger apps. I was shocked when I saw this on his mobile and decided to say something this time, because he once had an extramarital affair I told no one about. So, I told my in-laws and one of his close friends about it, and they gave him an earful. He regretted his mistake and promised never to do it again. He even deleted his Facebook account and instant messenger. I decided to give him a last chance because I wanted to save my marriage. He says he only uses WhatsApp now, but a week ago, I saw some hidden messaging apps on his mobile. I feel betrayed again. What do I do now?
— Mithila L
It does seem as if this is someone who doesn't respect the chances you have given him. Being addicted to chatting is one thing but doing so after an extramarital affair is quite another. If you are convinced that he is still having conversations with women, speaking to family or friends may help because your husband may need counselling of some sort. He needs to try and figure out why he feels the need to have these conversations and what he gets from them. As for forgiving him, that really is up to you and your reserves of patience. You deserve to be treated with respect, and he owes this to you as a husband and a parent. A betrayal of trust is hard to recover from, and the fact that he doesn't appreciate how lucky he is to be forgiven, is worrying. Think about the implications of not being with him, weigh the pros and cons and what you owe to yourself before making a decision. If you can't find a solution, speak to a professional.
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