Scared to go out after bad break up

Published: Jan 06, 2020, 06:22 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

If someone says he is looking forward to knowing me, for instance, I can't handle it

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

Dr LoveI was in a relationship for two-and-a-half years, and it didn't end well. After that bad break up, I don't know why I get awkward or nervous whenever someone is interested in me. If someone says he is looking forward to knowing me, for instance, I can't handle it. Now, there is a guy who wants to go on a date with me. I don't know what to do. He is a nice person and I want to give it a try, but I am really scared. Please help.— Deepti S

It's normal to feel the way you do after a long relationship that has failed, because you will automatically start to question everything about yourself. Time will change that, of course, but what you ought to do until that happens is stop looking at every interaction as a potential relationship. If someone likes you and wants to go out on a date, why not treat it as simply a date and nothing more? Take it one step at a time and focus on simply trying to have a good time for one evening with a nice person. If that works, you can meet again. You put pressure on yourself by assuming everything is about a relationship. Sometimes, it makes sense to just think of a date as a pleasant cup of coffee.

My girlfriend is impossible to satisfy sexually. I do everything she asks, but it is never enough. I always make sure her pleasure is important, even more than my own, but it's simply not good enough. This affects my confidence and I am beginning to have second thoughts about this relationship. What should I do?

You're right about physical intimacy being important, as is mutual pleasure. I suggest you talk to her about this, because she may not have any clue of how this is making you feel. If nothing works beyond a point, it could have a serious impact on your future, so she needs to understand that.

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