I have been married (for the second time) for a few years now
Dear Diana,
I have been married (for the second time) for a few years now. Before I met my wife, I had many girl friends but had sex only with one of them. My first wife was the only other person I have ever had sex with. My current wife is constantly making comments about how many girls I have been with. She only had two boyfriends before me.
I don't say anything to her about her exes ever or try to make her feel bad for having had sex with someone else. She had a child with one of them and I get along just fine with the guy and her son. On the other hand, I have a daughter (from the previous marriage) and she is rude to my daughter and to her mother and that embarrasses me.
We got into a big fight over the way she treats my daughter. Her behaviour is uncalled for and she is extremely jealous. How can I get her to stop being this way? She is too old to be acting like this.
Name withheld
Dear Friend,
Ignore her completely and instruct your daughter to do the same. All those hurtful things she says won't hurt if you don't let them.u00a0 Choose to give her an ultimatum to stop this behaviour of hers, failing which you will ask her to stay apart from you. Depending on who pays the bills in your house, one of you will have to find another means of accomodation. If she can't sit down and talk it out normally, you shouldn't either. You have given her no cause to behave this way, so quite simply, she shouldn't.
Don't tolerate the ill-treatment of a child just so things can be hunky-dory between your wife and you. You are responsible for your daughter if she stays with you. And if you do nothing to protect her, it could show you in a bad light as a parent and paint you as a willing accomplice to your wife's "tyranny".
Tell her that she can't behave this way and that you will have none of it anymore. You two aren't kids anymore. This won't sort itself out if she isn't willing to change her ways, understand that!
We met for closure and he abused me some more
Dear Diana,
I ended a relationship a few weeks ago due to an abusive incident. My ex and I argued over the dumbest thing and he chose to choke, hit, and yell at me. I left him a week later with no warning or calls; I just disappeared. I know leaving like that is wrong but I was still extremely angry for what he'd done. He recently called for closure and I agreed to meet him. He ended up calling me hurtful names.
I told him that he was insulting me as opposed to talking but he insisted that we were "just talking". I got upset and stormed out because to me that is not talking its just listening to someone insult me. I loved this man more than my own life but he refuses to see his mistakes. Am I wrong for leaving with no explanation? I dont want to believe him but he made me feel bad when he said he was ashamed to be seen with me!
Name withheld
Dear Friend,
You say that you love him more than your own life but that's exactly what you'll be risking if you come within ten feet of this guy. You know who you are. He obviously doesn't. After someone abused you, you don't EVER owe them anything, not an explanation, not a darn thing. Be proud that you walked away from this while you are still alive. While your soul is fairly intact.
I suggest strongly that you cutu00a0all contact with this man from now on. Nothing good will come from contact with him. A lot of abused women end up staying in these relationships because they think they don't deserve better, they actually believe their abusers words.
Think about it. When he wanted to talk to you, he really didnt care what you had to say. He was most likely furious that you had had enough spine to walk away, so of course he does the only thing he know how to do, he ABUSED you some more.Understand that his opinion and words means nothing.
And you didn't "just" leave him with no explanation.... Only an idiot would think choking someone wasn't a good enough reason to get away.
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